Recovering and Learning

Surgery and recovering.  I sailed right through the surgery, and I have yet to master the recovery.   As scheduled, Charlie and I were at the hospital Monday, November 24 at 6:45 am to prep for the mastectomy that would remove the tumor and my entire left breast.  That morning we had also scheduled a surgery to remove any lymph nodes that may have been infected by the cancer as well as reconstructive surgery for my left breast that same day.  During surgery prep, my parents, sister Emily, and in-laws all came to wish me well and pray for me before going back.  It was during this time that I was injected with a blue dye that lit up all of my lymph nodes, showing the surgeons if any were cancerous as well.  Going into surgery, we thought only one lymph node may have been involved.  One seemed suspicious, but it had looked clean during a recent ultra sound, but still, it seemed unlikely that the cancer hadn't spread.

It was also during surgery prep the nurses gave me what we like to call, "the relaxing drug".  "The relaxing drug" made me really happy I was having surgery that day and it also gave me the "courage" to profess my love to my surgeon as well.  (Dr. Kim Cradock at Carle in Champaign...I highly recommend her.)  I don't remember anything after being wheeled into what seemed like a giant cooler, and I woke up somewhere with three people looking at me and saying, "Oh she's too young for all of this."  Surgery lasted 7.5 hours and everything turned out great.  Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and my family that day, your prayers were not unanswered.  

I stayed in the hospital two nights and three days total; not too bad.  HGTV galore, and so many good family and friends came to visit.  I really am one of the luckiest girls alive to have so many people care.  On the morning I was to be released, I woke up to use the restroom, and when I got back into bed, I felt extremely nauseous.  I asked Charlie to please get me a cold washcloth and by the time he came back, I had passed out and caught myself with my face.  Ouch.  After about a half hour of laying on the floor answering a number of questions to a plethora of nurses and doctors, I was finally able to get back into bed.  Bright yellow socks were put on my feet as well as a bright yellow bracelet that clearly labeled me as a fall hazard.  An alarm was put on my bed so I couldn't leave without a nurse's presence and yellow hazard signs were placed outside my room and above my bed.  How embarrassing.  Even with all of this, I was determined to go home that day, and that is exactly what we did.  We were released Wednesday evening and I was going to Thanksgiving at my grandma's house the next day.

Morning of surgery. 

Thanksgiving morning I woke up and took my first shower in four days.  I wasn't able to do it alone, and without my mom and Charlie, I couldn't have done it at all.  It puts you in your place when something so simple as showering is something you can no longer accomplish alone.  I'm a grown 27-year-old woman, I can bathe myself.  Not that morning.  I am so grateful for my mom and husband and the patience they have.  I'm not always the easiest patient, but I appreciate them so so much every single day.  Once the shower was over, we went to grandma's for thanksgiving.  I ate, and then I slept.  It was a wonderful day and I had so much to be thankful for.  The last couple of weeks have gone by well.  I have tried to learn how to rest and I am not exactly exceeding at it, but I'm trying.

During the last couple of weeks, Charlie and I have been back to Chicago and we have begun the process of harvesting my eggs.  Chemo will age my ovaries to that of someone in their 40's, or I could possibly be thrown into early menopause.  This is why we are harvesting my eggs before we begin this process.  I've been put on hormone shots that will help my body produce more eggs and I will have a minor surgery to remove any eggs that have been produced on December 12 - December 16.  Pray that the hormone shots don't effect my moods too much and a large number of eggs can be retrieved.  Once the eggs have been harvested, they will be fertilized to create embryos.   We are hoping to freeze around 10-15 embryos and our hope is that I will be able to carry them when the time is right.  This has been an interesting and somewhat emotional process.  One that has forced us to answer some hard questions such as if Charlie and I both die, do we want the embryos to be donated to a family who can't have children or thrown away?  I mean, this isn't something Charlie and I have really sat around and discussed before.  They didn't go over these questions during marriage counseling.

It was also during these last couple of weeks that we received the pathology report from the surgery.  This report would tell us exactly how advanced the cancer was and if it had spread anywhere else in my body.  When our surgeon called us, she let us know that all margins were negative, which is good and it means that they were able to remove all of the cancerous cells! Yay!!  The tumor was much smaller than we thought, only 2.2 cm, but the cancer had spread to all of the milk ducts in my left breast which is why the tumor showed up so large on my MRI.  They removed 21 lymph nodes from the left side of my body, and of the 21, four lymph nodes were cancerous, and one had cancer outside of the lymph node.  No cancer had spread to my chest wall, but the surgeon said it was very close.  Praise the Lord for His provision here.  We also found out that my tumor was HER-2 Positive, which is different from my original diagnosis.  This simply means that my cancer won't be as receptive to as many treatments as we had originally thought.  It may not sound like it, but it was all good news.  The cancer was out of my body now.

Chemo will start the first week of January, five to six months of treatment, and due to the spread of the cancer, we will still have radiation.  I will lose my hair around the second round of chemo, and I'm just praying I get to keep my eye lashes and eyebrows.  I know that sounds silly, but I've come to peace about losing my hair, not so much my eyebrows and eyelashes though.

While a lot has happened in the last two weeks, I'm so grateful things have finally begun to happen, I've healed extremely well from surgery, I have continued to be surrounded by so many loved ones, an abundance of food has been prepared for Charlie and I, my in-laws have graciously watch Ruger for us during recovering, and the Lord continues to allow me to remain positive about this situation.  The fight has begun, and while we are still far from the victory, progress is being made.

What You Can Do: 

• Pray for a healthy amount of eggs to be harvested.
• Pray that Chemo treatments will go well.
• Pray that my hormone injections won't make me crazy. 
• Continued prayers for strength for Charlie and my family, I love them so much and I feel as if they carry more of this on their shoulders than I do.   
• And we still love appreciate all of the food. :)

I chopped off my long hair.  #noonefightsalone

Taking the Good with the Bad

"And I will do whatever you ask in my Name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You my ask me for anything in my Name, and I will do it!" - John 14:13-14

Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! The genetic testing came back negative!!!!  But wait....What does that mean?  Once Charlie and I were told that I had cancer, we immediately got to meet an array of doctors who would help us through this upcoming process.  One of the people that we met was a genetic counselor.  It's her job to find out if my body has developed a few specific types of genetic mutations and she informed us that because of my age it was very possible that I would be a strong candidate to posses the BRCA1, BRCA2, or some other genetic mutation known as Leaf-fro-meanie (That's not how it's spelled, but that's what it sounds like.)
If I were to have tested positive for any of the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genetic mutations, which makes up about 15% of breast cancers, my chances for developing breast cancer again in my second breast was extremely high as well as developing cancer in my ovaries at a later date.  If I had tested positive for one of these genetic mutations, we had decided to have a double-mastectomy to help reduce any future cancer re-occurrences.  At a later date, we would more than likely have my ovaries surgically removed as my chances for ovarian cancer would have increased drastically if we tested positive for BRCA1 or BRCA2.  As the oldest of four girls in my family, all of my sisters would have needed to be tested for the genetic mutations, and statistics show that each of them would have had a 50% chance of all carrying the mutation.  I could have also passed this gene to any children Charlie or I may have in the future, and they would be at a high risk for developing cancer as well.

If I had tested positive for the Leaf-fro-meanie genetic mutation, or sometimes known as Li-Fraumeni syndrome (only makes up about .15% of breast cancer), I would have been highly susceptible to developing several different types of cancer in my near future.  This included breast cancer again, bone cancer, cancer in soft tissues, brain tumors, etc.   So we are super happy I did not test positive for the meanie gene. :)  I believe prayers had a major role in determining the outcome of these tests, so thank you to everyone who lifted us up specifically for these tests to come back negative.

Thus far, I felt like I had been trusting God with all of this, but when it came down to it, I doubt I really was.  Praying for God to fully/miraculously heal me didn't seem like that was His plan, so I never really asked for it.  These next couple of months were going to be rough, but for the most part, this whole cancer thing seemed pretty easy to me.  We had caught the cancer early, I was going to have a lumpectomy, miss a week of work, have my eggs harvested, start chemo, and then finish with radiation.  Rough year, but we caught the cancer early; I'm young and healthy, and the cancer hadn't spread anywhere else.  
Tuesday, November 18 I was scheduled to have an MRI and the next day Charlie and I were to meet a second oncologist to get another opinion. It felt as if we were told we had cancer all over again when we sat down to meet with the doctor that morning.  Not only did the new oncologist reveal that my tumor was actually over 5 cm wide based in the MRI results (originally thought to be only 1.6 cm wide) he also told us that he was fairly certain the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes.  Originally diagnosed with Stage 1 cancer and then suddenly a strong candidate for stage 3, one begins to distrust the system that has been leading you through this process.  This new information changed a few things for us.  

Due to the size of the tumor, the surgeon no longer felt she could save my left breast.  A mastectomy was our only option now and due to the size of the tumor, the surgeon was worried that the cancer may have spread to my chest wall as well.  For the first time (Lord's provision here) I was actually scared.  Scared that we may not beat this and that the cancer was going to spread too fast for the chemo to kill all of it.  Luckily this lasted only a minute, and I'm reminded of His goodness and the love of everyone who surrounds me!  Seriously though, I had no idea Charlie and I could feel so loved.  It's still beyond words.  I've tried numerous times to express our gratitude, and I feel as if we have only been able to express a tiny fraction of the gratefulness we are feeling towards a multitude of friends and family members who have gone out of their way to make sure we know we are loved.  

So this is our schedule as of today...it changes all the time so bear with me....

• Monday, November 24 - Surgery Day!
• Healing for 2-6 weeks
• December 3 - Begin egg harvesting in Chicago
• Late December - Early January - Begin 5-6 months of chemo
• Radiation to follow after chemo - every day for six weeks. 

 I mean when you practically live in the hospital these days...why not take a selfie...

...or two.

What you can do: 

• Pray specifically for a full recovery.  No more cancer for the rest of my life after this.
• Continued prayers for Charlie and I, along with my family.  That we stay positive and upbeat; it will be a long year. 
• If cooking is your thing and you want to send a meal, Lord knows he did not bless me with this gift, you may sign up here for meals or contact Paula Buxton: http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=YKKF8549&welcome=1  

Thanks for reading and all of your support. :)

Cancer at 27….Wait, What?

Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. 

-Psalm 50:15

Around two months ago, Charlie and I found each other sitting in the ER due to severe chest pains that nearly caused me to blackout while driving home from Bible study.  As soon as we arrived, I was upset that I had let myself succumb to the pain and found myself apologizing profusely to Charlie that we had ended up in the ER.  Before ending up in the ER, I had been having chest pains for the previous two weeks that I had been ignoring for the most part.  

After the ER, a few weeks passed, the pain went away, and everything seemed fine.  Abbey and Caynan got married on October 11, we celebrated their amazing wedding, and on Sunday…we rested.  Charlie and I were watching Sunday night football as a breast cancer awareness commercial came on the t.v.  I jokingly looked at him and mentioned that I should make sure that I didn't have breast cancer and performed a lame attempt of a self-breast exam on myself…..and I found a lump. 

If I did not have a follow-up exam with my doctor that next day from my ER visit, I would have ignored the lump.  Put it off in the back of my mind and continued with my life as I had been.  I even contemplated not telling the doctor about the lump the next day, but I made Charlie a promise I would at least just mention it.  The doctor found the lump as well, but she wasn't worried.  The percentage of someone my age getting breast cancer, with no prior family history, was less than 5%.  But, she scheduled an ultrasound just in case.  

I debated canceling the ultrasound, multiple times.  Personally, I hate the doctors office and I hadn't been since I was maybe 16 years old and I preferred to keep it that way.  Plus, I hate hospital bills and I felt like this was a waste of my time.  But I went.  The ultrasound looked, "odd" and the nurse concluded that there was indeed a lump there.  All I could think was, "No kidding, it feels like there is a small ball in there.  I could have told you that and I probably just spent a couple thousand dollars for you to tell me that very same thing." 

So they scheduled a mammogram and another ultrasound.  I actually quite enjoyed my stay at the Mills Breast Cancer Institute that day.  I jokingly referred to it as a day at the spa…HGTV, free chocolate, heated blankets, I was a happy little girl.  The doctors told me before I left that they were going to schedule a biopsy just to be safe, but that they weren't worried about anything.  It was highly unlikely that it would turn out to be cancer.  

Biopsy came.  It hurt.  Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. And then we waited for the test results. I 100% fully expected to find out in a few days that the lump was no big deal, that this was a waste of time, and I could go back to my normal life.  

When the doctor told Charlie and I that I the lump was cancer, two thoughts went through my mind immediately.  First, "You must have the wrong test results".  Second, "Thank you, Jesus, for sending me Charlie."   The first day was a fog.  A lot to process, we called family members  and close friends to update them, and I went back to work.  Doctor appointments were lined up the next day and Charlie and I put our game faces on.  My mom came up to Champaign to attend the appointments with us, and I was extremely grateful for their presence.  

Over the course of the next week or so, we have been overwhelmed by the support of so many friends and family members in the form of prayers, emails, texts, phone calls, flowers, cards, and acts of kindness.  Humbling is all we can describe it as.   

During those nights, I began to have some deep conversations with God.  I have not once been angry, nor have I yet asked the "why me?" question.  I mean "why not, me?".   All I could say was, "Okay God, I'm giving this to you.  I'm going to trust you.  You're going to get us through this.  If this is something you want me to carry, I will do this if it will bring You glory."  

This is what we know right now.  I have breast cancer, invasive ductal carcinoma.  Size: 1.6x1.4x1.6 cm, stage 1, grade 3 (the most aggressive type).  The cancer is hormone positive, which is good as it will allow more treatment options.  Surgery is scheduled to happen at the end of November, chemo to follow (likely starting in January), and then radiation.  We are waiting on the genetic testing to come back to see if I test positive for the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutations.  If it comes back positive and that I do have one of the two mutations, we will change our course of action.  

Finding out you have cancer is never easy, but knowing that you're surrounded by so many friends and family members who have been willing to pray over this situation, give up their time to help support us, and send an overwhelming amount of kind words makes it all a whole lot easier.  The journey is just beginning, but we know we will make it through.  We are so grateful for everyone God has placed in our lives, words cannot express our gratitude thus far.  So we just say, thank you.  We will beat this.  We have received so many prayers, I know God is in this.  He is here in this situation. 

What you can do: 

So many people have asked if they can do anything for us, and our answer right now is, Yes.  Please specifically pray that my genetic testing comes back negative and for energizing rest.  Pray for our marriage that this does not define who Charlie and I become over the next year, and pray for my family, as this has probably caused more worry for them than myself.  We will keep you updated along the way, and we thank you so much for reading this.  

Stay positive and enjoy what you have been given.  Each day is a gift and no one fights alone.   

"Leaning" - Photo taken by Karen Thompson. :)